


A Close Call

by CAERUS



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: F/M, Matthew Cunliffe Bashing, Wish Fulfillment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29543301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CAERUS/pseuds/CAERUS
Summary: A what-if story that involves Robin determining before, rather than after her wedding that Matthew has been manipulating her life.
Relationships: Robin Ellacott/Cormoran Strike
Comments: 29
Kudos: 66





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Cormoran Strike or his agency.. if I did Matthew would have never survived book 2

Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.” —Oscar Wilde

Chapter One

Robin Ellacott was tired. It was late, past midnight, but she couldn’t sleep. She sat perched on the edge of the bed in her childhood bedroom, the site of some of the worst times in her life. She hated it here and the uncomfortable memories always made sleeping in this room difficult.

So “tired” wasn’t quite the right word for it, she thought. Her brain reflexively working through alternatives trying to be honest with herself. She was exhausted, depressed, resigned and overall just felt defeated, but she couldn’t sleep. She’d been staring at her ceiling for over an hour.

Is this what a bride should be feeling the night before her wedding? No, she decides, of course it bloody isn’t, but she doesn’t know how to stop. The idea of marrying Matthew tomorrow should fill her with joy. It’s all she’s wanted since she was a girl. She doesn’t feel any joy though and its absence frightens her. The only thing she has been able to think about since Strike left her alone in that kitchen is her job, or lack thereof. She feels defeated, but she also feels rage.

She stood up now, agitated and started to pace, reviewing the events that had led her to this state.

Strike had fired her. Gross Misconduct.... she hissed fuming. Everyone who allowed Brockbank to spend another day living in a house with two young girls is guilty of Gross Misconduct, but not her!  
She threw her arms up, gesticulating wildly to her nonexistent audience. Why, Why was what she did so wrong? There was not the slightest sign that Carver was still looking at Brockbank as a suspect. In fact, it was far more likely he had dismissed him completely out of sheer dislike for Strike. Meanwhile Robin hadn’t been able to sleep properly since the day she heard Zahara’s voice over the phone.

Robin suddenly stopped pacing and sank back onto her bed. 

“Oh bugger”, she whispered. What if she had been wrong? What if Brockbank was the Shacklewell Ripper? How would she live with herself if someone else died?

Her eyes roamed around the room now, taking in the posters and the framed pictures. This bloody room.... she always felt small in here. A constant feeling of suffocating just beyond the reach of help.

Think about something else, she told herself. You’re getting married tomorrow. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life, once again trying to summon any feelings of happiness. Her and Matthew were spending this night apart observing the traditional separation of the bride and groom “for luck”.

“Luck”, she scoffed. What does luck have to do with anything? She had thought it was luck or fate once that delivered her to Strike’s office as a temporary secretary and look how that turned out.

Now she was here, devastated, and unable to summon even the tiniest bit of excitement over starting her life as Mrs. Matthew Cunliffe.

She closed her eyes and tried to relax. She allowed her mind to examine Matthew’s behavior since Strike had fired her. He had been outwardly sympathetic, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. Underneath every word he said was smugness. He was ecstatic that Strike was out of their lives. The subtle glee he displayed when he showed her that advertisement for her replacement proved that. 

She was about to bind her life to someone who didn’t know her, didn’t see her, and couldn’t understand her in any way.

Okay, so Strike had fired her. Did Matthew really expect her to go back to boring work in Human Resources? They had not talked about it. No doubt he was terrified of pushing her to talk about it so he would have plausible deniability. He likely figured once the wedding was over he’d have some new authority as her “husband” to have a say over her life choices.

Robin now let herself think about what her life would be like once the wedding and honeymoon were over. 

Matthew would no doubt pressure her into interviews right away. It would be like the last couple of years never happened. She’d be right back in horrid temping jobs and interviewing for ridiculously boring “real” jobs. She would eventually get one and then her life would become a predictable cycle of work, Matthew, sleep, repeat. She’d probably end up pregnant sooner rather than later if Matthew had his way and the rest of her life would be devoted to raising a family. It would be perfectly....

Ordinary

There’s nothing wrong with ordinary, Robin told herself furiously, wiping away the tears that had suddenly filled her eyes.

It’s just...

She’d finally had the career she always wanted. She’d had a taste and being a detective made her feel so... well it made her feel everything that she should be feeling right now about getting married.  
Excited, thrilled, happy, fulfilled... it was anything but ordinary.

Now that she’d had that. How could she give it up?

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She’d find a way. She’d apply to the Met, or go back to school and finish her psychology degree, or maybe she’d start her own bleedin detective agency. Did Matthew understand that she wasn’t giving this career up just because Strike had given up on her?

Suddenly Robin realized she wouldn’t be able to sleep before she made sure Matthew understood this. What was she going to do, slip it in the wedding vows? She imagined the minister saying, “Do you, Matthew, promise to love and cherish Robin and continue to let her be a detective?” She groaned. She had to make sure this was clear to him before....

She reached for her phone where it was charging on the nightstand. She’d barely looked at it for days. The only people who ever called her were either here in Masham with her or Strike. Her brain flinched at the thought. True to what she observed after his breakup with Charlotte, once Strike was done, he didn’t change his mind. He had truly cut her off completely without regret. Her heart twinged at the thought. 

Did he even miss her? Did he regret it at all? Had she ever meant anything to him? How was he doing? Had they caught Brockbank yet? Was the agency even going to survive?

Stop... just stop, she told herself. It’s NOT your concern right now. Matthew, you need to call Matthew.

She dialed Matt’s phone. He picked up right away, so she was guessing he wasn’t sleeping yet either.

“Robin,” he said. “Is everything ok?”

“Yes, of course,” Robin replied. “I just wanted to talk about a few things before tomorrow.”

“Ok sure,” he said hesitantly. Was it her imagination or did he sound nervous? Robin ignored it and proceeded. 

“I was just lying here thinking about tomorrow and our future and I was curious about what you thought.”

He chuckled, “Robs, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific.”

“Okay” Robin answered back. “Where do you see us in 10 years?

He sighed, paused for a minute and then said, “Well it’s going to be wonderful. We’ll be married, have a bigger house, a better car. I’ll have moved up in the company and will have the fittest wife around. We’ll have a couple of kids and be a proper family.”

“See Matthew,” Robin interrupted, ignoring the fit comment. “Proper. That’s the word that I get hung up on. How do you think any of that’s going to happen? Are you expecting me to apply for the types of jobs I was doing before... before the detective agency?” Robin purposely avoiding even saying Strike’s name.

“Well of course,” he said. “What else are you qualified for?”

What else am I qualified for? Robin closed her eyes in disbelief. The silence hung in the air.

“Now Robs, I didn’t mean that as a bad thing,” he continued. “You are great with people. You’ll do excellent in Human Resources. You’ll have normal hours and when we have kids, you’ll be able to be home with them and not running off at all hours of the night.”

Robin remained silent.

Matthew, no idea of the hole he had begun digging and unable to stand the silence, continued.

“I know you enjoyed being a detective, but it didn’t work out. You didn’t have the training, you took unnecessary risks, and you were constantly getting hurt. The hours and pay were shite. I know I shouldn’t say it, but the truth is, our family and our future is better off.”

Something inside Robin broke.

What was she doing?

Was she really planning to MARRY this selfish, unfeeling twat?

He still saw her as that girl she was when she first moved to London. The girl she had to become to survive being raped. That’s the girl he loved, not me.

Since working for Strike she had realized who she became in the aftermath of her failed stint at university was someone just going through the motions. She had thought leaving her bedroom meant she was getting better. She had thought the first time she had managed to make love with Matthew again meant she was healed. She confused feeling safe with being happy, being “fixed”, but now she knew better.

She sighed. She knew better, so she couldn’t go back. She would suffocate if she married Matthew, she would be miserable.

“Matthew, did it ever occur to you to ask ME what I want to do?” Robin asked.

“Well, of course, but Robs, is tonight really the best time for all this? We have the rest of our lives to figure these things out. Tonight we need to get some sleep. Big day tomorrow!” He crowed.

Big Day Indeed... We’ll see how he takes this next part, Robin thought and then delivered the blow.

“Matthew, since you won’t ask, I need to make sure you understand that I intend to pursue investigative work still. Whether I apply to the Met, go back to school, or look for another agency. I have zero intentions of getting a job in Human Resources.”

Now Matthew’s end of the line was silent.

“Matt, are you still there?”

Matt whispered, “Are you serious?”

“Yes, perfectly,” Robin replied. “Whatever it takes. It’s what makes me happy. It’s my dream.”

Matthew exploded. 

“But you were shite at it! You got fired by a one legged arsehole who pisses people off so bad that someone chopped a girl up and sent parts to him in the mail... to YOU in the mail. You were nearly killed, you were stabbed. Then you went inside the home of a pedophile and got beat up leading to a potential serial killer escaping! Who the FUCK would hire you?”

This... this is what she had known, but had been willfully blind to. Matthew did not love her. He didn’t even know her.

Robin took a deep breath. This would not be pretty, but it had to be done.

“Matthew, I’m sorry. I am not going to marry you tomorrow. This conversation just illustrates everything I knew already, but was trying to deny. You don’t know me anymore. I’ve changed. Well, actually, I’ve become the person I was already becoming before I was attacked at uni. That’s what happened. You love Robin the victim. You love the timid, reliant, worshipful girl I became to be able to leave this house. The one dependent on you for everything. It’s not who I was before the rape and it’s not who I want to be. If I pretend to be her, if that’s what you want, I will be miserable.”

She continued, “Even if I never work as a detective again, I cannot live that “proper” life that you envision.”

Robin started crying softly. She practically whispered, “I’m sorry Matthew. I tried, I tried so hard to be who you want me to be. You were there for me after the attack when I needed you to help me feel safe, so I tried. I just can’t pretend for the rest of my life. We want different things and it will make us resent each other forever. You can’t make me happy and I won’t make you happy either.”

Matthew had remained silent during the entire rambling speech. Tears continued to flow down Robin’s face.

“Robin,” he said, suddenly serious. “We are getting married in 10 hours. Our families are already here. The wedding and reception are paid for. I have a honeymoon booked and I took two weeks off work. You cannot back out of this now. I’ll be a laughingstock.”

Matthew’s idiotic comment was all it took for Robin’s tears to subside. She was crying for the end of a large part of her life and the grief she was about to cause her family, not for oblivious Matthew.

“It’s always about you isn’t it Matthew? How will you look to other people? Well mull this over.... which looks worse? Woman ditches you on the day of the wedding and you can blame it all on her or messy divorce less than 1 year after marriage. Even if we went through with it tomorrow, we would never last longer than that. I don’t love you anymore and no matter what you think, you don’t love me.”

She was done with this. 

She finished, “Look Matt, I am not changing my mind so you can save face. When we broke up before it was about you cheating and then continuing to bring the bitch around me for years without telling me. This is different. It’s fundamental. I cannot go into this marriage knowing I would have to sacrifice every bit of who I am in order to make you happy. It’s not fair to me. I won’t do it. I’m sorry Matt, but I am not going to marry you. I’m hanging up now and I’m going to wake up mum and dad and tell them.”

Robin hung up the phone.

She closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her body.

This wasn’t over, she thought. Matthew would surely be to the house shortly so she really needed to wake up her parents and tell them. Robin knew it would get ugly before the end. Rows with Matt could go on for hours.

What was she going to do now?

Go back to London? What was there for her in London? She had no real friends of her own. She had only had.... Strike.

Robin idly turned the phone in her hand over.

Strike.

It was just so unfathomable that it was over. He had fired her and never gave her another thought. She had thought they were at least friends. Had he really never called her? 

Robin opened her phone and checked the missed calls.

Empty... Her whole call history was empty. 

Why would her call history be empty. Could I have accidentally erased it when I’ve been so tired these last few days, she thought? 

“Oh God,” Robin muttered. Getting a sinking feeling in her stomach. “Surely... surely he would not have gone that far.” 

She brought up her voicemails and scrolled through.

At the bottom she came to a folder labeled “deleted voicemails”.

Not everyone had that feature on their phone, but Robin liked having it in case anything ever got deleted by accident. Matthew’s phone did not have it. 

She opened the folder and saw a deleted voicemail from two days ago, from Strike.

In a sudden rush of understanding Robin knew exactly what happened. 

Oh My God, she thought. He did.... damn him.

The stop on the way to Masham when she came back from the loo. Matt had her phone, Matt had asked for her password. Strike had called and Matthew had deleted the voicemail and the missed call.

Call? Singular? No way to know, she thought. But that had been days ago. My phone has been in my room all day. He must not have called again.

Robin closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Calm.... Stay. Calm. 

This just proves everything you said. He doesn’t know that you know. When he comes here spouting the same tired lies about supporting your decisions and pretending to be ok with you pursuing investigative work, you can call him on his bullshit. He’s said it before and he has NEVER meant it. He just has to win at everything. He’ll see this cancelled wedding as a failure. It hurts his ego, not him.

He’s a lying, manipulative twat who only cares about himself and what HE wants.

Robin was working herself up again. This was just one of the worst things Matt had ever done. If she hadn’t already ended things, this would have done it. 

Calm.... Stay calm, she told herself. You still need to wake up mum and dad and explain they won’t be attending the wedding they planned and paid for tomorrow.

Robin rolled over and groaned.

I am such a weak fool, she thought. How did I let it get this far? She was just grateful that she had come to her senses before she had actually married Matthew. 

Well, what’s done is done. I’ll just have to find a way to make it up to them, pay them back. I don’t owe them my happiness, I don’t owe them my future.

It was the most resolved Robin had been in years.

Speaking of her future... Robin turned her attention back to her phone. She had this niggle in the back of her mind that if Matt had gone as far as deleting her voicemails and erasing the call history, then it’s likely he followed through and blocked Strike altogether. He was probably hoping Robin wouldn’t ever find out Strike called or at least wouldn’t find out until after the wedding.

She opened her contacts and sure enough... Strike was blocked.

Anger, pulsing waves of rage rose inside Robin. If Matt walked through the door right now he’d find out first hand the things she learned in her self defense class.

How DARE he!!!

Matthew, being with her constantly for the last week, should have understood how guilty she felt that she had tipped off Brockbank. If he was the Shacklewell Ripper, she deserved to know. How dare he take away a potential source of information.

Strike had called and instead of letting Robin know he pretended it hadn’t happened and removed all possibility that Strike would call her back. 

What had Strike said? Was he calling to yell again? Did they catch Brockbank? Did someone else die and he was calling to blame me? WHY had he called?

Only one way to find out.

Robin took a trembling hand, highlighted the “deleted” voicemail and pressed listen.

“Robin?” Robin’s heart exploded at the sound of his familiar voice. God she missed him.

“Robin, listen, it’s Cormoran. Shit I didn’t want to do this on a voicemail, but I need to say this.

Robin, I am so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was just so angry. Carver called and chewed me out. He refused to believe I wasn’t responsible, that I hadn’t sent you there. I felt fucking stupid because I didn’t know. We are partners and I didn’t know. I was angry, frustrated, and worried and I exploded. But I shouldn’t have fired you. That’s the last thing I want. Half of what’s driven me crazy over the last weeks is the thought of losing you. I don’t ever want to lose you Robin. 

Please, if you get this call me back. Tell me it’s not too late. If you hate me, I don’t blame you. I hate myself. I won’t call again and bother you if you tell me to bugger off.

Just know that working with you has been a bright spot in a shitty life. You are incredibly talented and no matter what I said before, you did the right thing. You did what I wouldn’t do and you saved those little girls. I’m so fucking proud of you. If it’s not too late, I want you back. It won’t work without you. Please Robin...”

The message ended.

Robin was breathing rapidly.

Dear God, he left that message days ago and I never called him back. Oh my God he must think I hate him. He wanted her back, he was sorry and he didn’t want to lose her. He was proud of her. Her mind replayed it again and again. 

He had sounded so sad and desperate. It might have been her imagination but it sounded like he had been holding back tears.

Should I call him now? Should I wait until morning? What if he was in bed with Elin? What if he’s changed his mind because he thinks I’m being petty and ignoring him.

Breathe... just breathe, she thought.

Too much. It’s all too much. Everything was pressing down at once on her. She needed to prioritize. Strike, parents, cancel wedding, deal with Matthew..... OK, that sounds awful, she thought. Maybe I’ll just pack my stuff, get in the Land Rover and drive until the road runs out. Start fresh wherever I wind up.

Robin chuckled to herself, feeling lighter now that she allowed the most important fact to permeate. 

Strike wants her back.

She would not run. She had been running in a sense since the day she quit uni. It was time to deal with her life and take back control.


	2. Confrontation

“Whatever it takes to find the real you, don’t be daunted if the rest of the world looks on in shock.”   
-Stephen Richards

Chapter 2

OK, Robin thought. What first? How does one go about reclaiming their life? 

She glanced down at her phone. It had already been two days. As much as she wanted to call Strike first, something inside Robin told her it would be better to talk to Strike after the mess with Matthew and her non-wedding was sorted. Even though the thing she wanted most right now was to hear his voice, to tell him she was coming back, coming back to him... back to work, she corrected in her mind. It was the middle of the night though, and the possibility that she would wake him while he was in bed with Elin was too horrifying to contemplate. It could wait until morning.

It had been less than 10 minutes since Robin had hung up the phone on Matthew. If he was coming, he would be here anytime. She could only hope that he wouldn’t show up tonight, but she laid money that he would.

Right, she thought. Time to wake up mum and dad.

Robin decided proper clothes would be best, so she slipped on jeans and her favorite jumper. Best to be comfortable and put together when tearing up people’s lives, she wryly told herself.

After she was dressed, Robin opened her bedroom door and crossed the hallway to her parents’ bedroom. She knocked softly.

“Mum, Dad,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, but I need to talk to you.”

She listened at the door and thought she heard the rustle of bedcovers. The door cracked open slightly and Robin’s father blearily peered through at her.

“Robin,” he croaked. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

Robin, who even though she thought she was prepared, was surprised by the lump in her throat and how hard it was to get the words out.

“Dad, I’m sorry. I’m coming to tell you both that I won’t be marrying Matthew tomorrow.”

“What? Michael, is that Robin? What did she say? What’s going on?” Robin’s mum voiced from further in the room.

Robin’s dad turned and spoke to Linda.

“Robin’s at the door and she says she’s called off the wedding.”

Her dad turned back to her and there was concern in his sleepy eyes.

“Robin dear, go down to the kitchen and put the kettle on. We’ll just be down in a sec.” 

Robin blew out the breath she had been holding and nodded. She suddenly reached forward and threw her arms around her dad. He squeezed her tightly back.

“There, there now sweetie. Everything is going to be fine. Run along and make some tea. We’ll get this all sorted.” Michael’s calm, comforting tone soothing Robin.

He released her gently and turned around to walk back in the room.

Robin tried to gather her thoughts. How will she explain this to her parents? Will they be able to understand her point of view? Will they be angry or disappointed in her?

Robin knew her mother did not like her working with Strike. Her family never really understood her either, so the upcoming conversation could be difficult.

But isn’t that partially your own fault, Robin thought to herself. Did you ever really try to make them understand or did you continue to go along with things to keep the peace. Ever conciliatory, never making waves, striving to make everyone happy.

Everyone but yourself, that is.

Well, she thought, No more. It’s time they all understand that my wanting to do investigative work was never just a response to my attack. I never pressed back at the time, never let them see how much they were hurting me, and how much their lack of faith in me repressed my recovery. I need to admit that I never really recovered from the rape. How I didn’t start to heal until the day I started working with Strike and I regained the part of me I thought lost forever. How do I make them see that Matthew does not support me and would do everything in his power to take this dream away from me? Matthew always excelled at empty promises. He would be able to manipulate things to look like he was supporting her and that Robin was the unreasonable one. However, with her phone in her hand, she had actual, physical proof now and she’ll make them see what Matt truly is.

As if her thoughts of him had summoned him. Robin heard an aggressive pounding on the front door as she was descending the steps.

“Robin!” Matthew shouted from the porch. “Robin! This isn’t over. Let me in the bloody house!”

“Of bloody course,” Robin groaned. She should have known, did know honestly, that Matthew would NOT go quietly.

Well maybe it’s for the best, she thought. She was wondering how to make her parents understand. This way she wouldn’t have to explain things. They would witness it firsthand.

Robin mentally gathered herself and opened the door to a furious, disheveled Matthew. 

“Matthew,” she said calmly. “Why are you here? I said everything I had to say on the phone.”

He pushed past her into the house, bumping into her injured arm in the process.

“Well I bloody didn’t,” he raged. “If you think that you can just dump me 10 hours before our wedding, you are completely out of your mind. We are going through with this and we can discuss things on the Honeymoon.”

Robin, in pain from her now throbbing arm, gritted her teeth and said, “That quite possibly, is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say and I’ve been going to the pub with you and your Rugby mates for years now, so I have plenty to choose from.”

She turned her back on Matthew and marched into the kitchen where she grabbed the kettle and started to boil some water.

Matthew followed her. Her words had infuriated him even more it seemed.

“Well,” he said. “What do you have to say for yourself? Are you just going to throw the last decade of our lives away? For what? A ridiculous job that you weren’t any good at anyways?”

Neither one noticed Linda and Michael slip into the kitchen and take a seat at the table.

Robin kept her back to Matthew. She knew it would end like this, in bitter words and recriminations. Unlike him, Robin KNEW the character of her ex. She was not blind to Matthew’s faults, she never had been. Matthew needed to win. He had to make this entirely her fault, something he had no control over. Maybe it was her fault, she thought. There is no denying that if she had been honest with herself years ago they wouldn’t be in this mess right now. If she had just put aside the doubts and fears that had consumed her after she left uni and tried to regain herself then. She felt like she had been lying for years. Lying that she was ok, lying that she was fine with not returning to school to finish her degree. Lying that she wanted the same things Matthew did. So many lies that she told herself every day. Well she was done. She had been grateful for Matthew’s support and understanding after the rape, but that time had been a lie as well. He had lied, sleeping with Sarah and pretending to be the supportive boyfriend. Without the gratitude that time had invoked, she was left with a man who did not respect her choices in any way.

“Matthew,” she stated firmly. “Did you listen to one thing I said to you on the phone?”

“Yes,” he interrupted. “You want to call off the wedding because you want to be a detective, the scorn dripping from his mouth, more than you want me or our future. You didn’t even ask me. Just assumed I wouldn’t be ok with it and called things off.”

Robin responded, “You’re telling me you would suddenly be all for it if that’s the career I want to pursue?” 

“It’s not my first choice,” he said, “but Robin, I love you and if that is what you want to do I will try to support it.”

Robin rolled her eyes. She fucking knew it. Knew this would be his play. Make me the bad guy. Well two could play this game. He didn’t know who he was dealing with.

“So you would support me if I applied to the Met?” 

He thought for a minute and then replied, “If that’s what you wanted to do, I would support you. Honestly though Robin, do you really think they would take you? You’re 26 already, and you’re a woman with no training, no degree, and no recommendations.”

Robin responded pleasantly, “Oh you see, you are wrong there. Vanessa already said they would support my application. If I want to apply, I’ll get in. The police hate Strike anyways, so if he refused to give me a recommendation it would likely work in my favor.”

She chuckled, “So you see. I’m not kidding. There is no HR work in my future. I’m never going to be the “proper” money earning, 9-5 working, kid raising wife that you want.”

“Robin, that doesn’t matter to me,” he cajoled. “I just want you to be happy.”

Robin knew he was trying to say whatever it took so he could lay this all on her. How many times during her time working with Strike had he promised, PROMISED, to be supportive only to lash out soon thereafter. He was totally “fine with it” until she missed after dinner drinks with Tom and Sarah, or dared to grab takeout rather than cook. God forbid she opened her laptop while laying in bed at night. He didn’t mean it, he had never meant it and she needed to push him to reveal how he really felt. 

The kettle finished and Robin automatically started to make herself a cup of tea.

“So,” she casually started. “What if I wanted to call Strike and ask him to take me back?”

“NO!” He exploded. “Absolutely not. You can’t go crawling back to that one-legged bastard Robin. I forbid it. He fired you, he advertised for your replacement. He doesn’t want you. That job was pathetic and he won’t take you back anyway.

Robin finally turned to face Matthew. She pulled out her phone and held it up. 

“Is that so,” she said looking him directly in the face for the first time.

Matthew’s face drained of color.

His thoughts raced... She doesn’t know, she couldn’t know. I deleted the voicemail and blocked him. He didn’t call back. If she knows, it’s because she called him. She went crawling back to him the night before our wedding. This all makes sense now. They’ve been fucking each other. He fired her probably as a way to get rid of her once he was through with her. Now she’s gone and called him begging him to take her back. He’s agreed of course, because he misses the cheap labor and easy lay and can’t find anyone who would agree to such a pitiful salary with only a bit on the side with a cripple as compensation. He’s told her about the voicemail and that’s why she’s calling off the wedding. She’s leaving me for a poor, ugly cripple...the slut.

Robin watched Matthew’s mind turning as he tried to create some “cover story”. He was busted and he knew it. Instead of the guilt she expected to see, Matthew’s face suddenly turned ugly.

“I knew you were fucking him,” he hissed.

Linda gasped. Robin spun around and noticed for the first time that her parents had joined her in the kitchen. She ignored Matthew and calmly made two additional cups of tea and carried them to her parents. Now that Robin knew they were there, it was time to make sure EVERYONE in this room knew she was finished.

“Well Matt,” she scoffed. “Thank you for that brilliant, but as usual, wrong deduction. Good thing I’m the detective and not you.”

His face flushed. He did not like to be made a fool of, Robin knew. He was primed to dig himself a VERY big hole.

“Of course you have been fucking him,” he continued. “Why else would you have continued to work for him for such a shite salary. Why else would he have made you a fucking partner. He exaggerated the word partner with a suggestive leer. “He’s been getting it cheap for months now, but he got his fill so he fired you. Now he’s realized no one else will service him so cheaply, so he wants you back.” He spat out.

“How do you know that he wants me back?” Robin shouted. Her anger finally raised by his hateful allegations. 

“You already fucking know how I know,” he yelled. “He fucking told you. You called him tonight begging to come back and he told you about the voicemail he left.”

“No Matthew, I know about the voicemail because I fucking listened to it. I saw my call history was empty and I knew I didn’t do that, so I went to my deleted voicemail folder and there it was. Didn’t know my phone had that feature did you?” 

Robin seethed. “I haven’t spoken to him since that day in the kitchen. What gives you the right to make decisions for me? You don’t get to dictate who I talk to or what I do with my life. You might not have got the memo, but women stopped being considered a man’s property quite a while back.”

She raised her voice. “AND for the millionth fucking time, I have NEVER had sex with Cormoran. I have never been unfaithful to you. Our relationship has never been anything but strictly professional!” 

Her mind wondered briefly back to Barrow-In-Furness and her feelings as Strike had slept 5 doors away from her. She never acted on them though, so she chased the thought away and continued.

“You have such low respect for me that you cannot conceive of me succeeding in anything you don’t understand. According to you I have no talents and no skills, so anything I achieve must be through my legs. I think you are projecting. I think that’s the only thing YOU value me for, so it’s inconceivable that I might be worth more.”

She went on quieter now, “I have never cheated on you. Cormoran and I have never hugged, never kissed, we barely even talk about anything other than work, and I have certainly never had sex with him. Considering he fired me, I’m not sure I would even call us friends. For you to keep accusing me of that when you have paraded Sarah fucking Shadlock around me for years is monumentally unfair. You are the only one I have ever been with,” she finished.

“Well that’s not exactly true is it?” He interjected nastily. 

Michael Ellacott, whose face had been growing stonier as he listened to his daughter pour her heart out, suddenly leapt to his feet. “Matthew, that’s quite enough!”

Matthew backed away from Robin looking stunned himself, like he wished he could take it back. He knew he had gone too far and he would not be the winner in this house.

Robin, whose face had drained of all color, struggled to draw in a deep breath. In all their previous rows, Matthew had never thrown her rape at her in such a way. Didn’t know it was possible. Who was this stranger standing in her family’s kitchen? He could never take it back. It was unforgivable.

“How dare you,” Robin said as the tears began to flow. You would dare to throw my rape and almost murder up as something to wound me with? You are the MOST selfish, vile, pathetic excuse for a man I’ve ever met. I can’t believe I wasted a decade of my life on you and I can only thank God I came to my senses before marrying you. You Matthew, might never have laid a hand on me in anger, but you’ve caused more damage to me than anyone I’ve ever known.”

She looked over to her parents who were watching them, stunned.

“Mum, dad, have you seen enough? Do you understand why I can’t go through with this? This man does not love me. I’m not even sure he likes me.”

Michael walked over to Robin and folded her into his arms, shooting Matthew a dark look.

“Robin, we had no idea things were this bad. Don’t worry about a thing. Not only do we understand, but if you said now you were going to go through with it, I’d refuse to attend,” he said.

Matthew’s face was a stony mask. “Robin, I’m sorry for what I just said, but I’m not sorry for anything else. I deleted his voicemail because I didn’t want you to go back. You’ve changed so much since we got engaged and that’s because of him. I wanted my Robin back. I knew if I could just get you away from that bastard you’d go back to being the girl I love.”

Robin raised her face from her father’s shoulder. She looked at Matthew one last time.

“That girl doesn’t exist anymore. She was a facade and I cannot pretend to be her anymore. We are done. I’ll come back to London in a few days and get my stuff out of the flat.”

“I won’t be there,” he said flatly. “I took two weeks off and paid for a trip to the Maldives. I’m going on our honeymoon. His face regained a look of defiance as he tried to salvage some of his dignity. “Maybe I’ll take Sarah. She’s a better lay than you anyways. Just did another comparison test with her last week.”

With that he left the room, leaving Robin and her parents to deal with the aftermath.


	3. Explanation

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom - Aristotle

Chapter 3

Linda spoke first, “Well, I’m not sure I would have believed Matthew capable of saying such vile things if I hadn’t heard them with my own ears. How long have things been like this Robin?”

Robin, still crying in her dad’s arms, attempted to calm herself.

“Honestly mum, things haven’t been great since the day I started working for Strike full time. We row about my job all the time. He just cannot understand what I find so appealing about detective work when the pay is shite. Money and Matthew are the only things that matter to Matthew.”

Robin pulled out of her father’s arms and walked to the table. She sank into the nearest chair and busied herself making a fresh cup of tea while she gathered her thoughts to try to explain. 

“You see,” she started. “Since I was a child I dreamed of doing some sort of investigative work for a career. It’s why I did psychology at Uni. No one ever took me seriously and I didn’t want to hear anything against it, so I kept it to myself.”

She closed her eyes... this would be the hard part, she thought.

“After the attack, everything changed. You were all so careful around me. You treated me like I was one strong breeze away from shattering. I mean... maybe there was some truth in that at first, but after a while I felt like I was drowning. I felt like I needed to pretend it didn’t happen or that I was all better, so you would stop walking on eggshells around me and treat me the same as before. Everyone was unhappy and it was my fault, so I pretended to be better to make everyone else happy. That’s always been my role in the family. I was the “easy” one.”

Linda looked like she wanted to protest. Robin held up a hand to forestall her.

“It’s just how I felt,” Robin continued. “Maybe you didn’t mean to make me feel that way, but everyone’s energy was always directed at Martin. He caused enough trouble for all 4 of us, so I felt it was my job to cause the least amount of drama possible.”

Robin looked at them both. “After uni, when I began talking about wanting to do some sort of police work, it was treated as a sign that I wasn’t getting better. I heard you all talking about it. I’m not stupid. So to keep the peace and to make everyone else happy, I let go of my dreams. It was only after I started working for Strike that I begun to feel like maybe I could have everything I’d ever wanted.”

“Problem was... Matthew hated it. When I first came to London and wasn’t working, I could devote all my time and energy to him. He loved that and things were pretty good. Then Matt realized that if he wanted a big house and fancy car, it wasn’t going to be achieved on his salary alone. It was time for me to “earn my keep” as he so charmingly put it. I started working at Temporary Solutions and looking for a corporate job in Human Resources. Then one day I ended up in a detective agency and never left. Since then I have been happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I love it, I really do.”

She let out a sigh and continued. “Since that day my life has been one row after another. Matthew does NOT like Cormoran. I’ve lost track of the number of times he has accused me of infidelity. What does it say about him and our relationship that he believes I am so useless that the only way someone would value me is if I was sleeping with him. Then, did you catch that bit at the end there, where Matt said he cheated on me just last week? I wouldn’t put it past him. So lovely to be constantly defending yourself against accusations of being a whore from a person banging his best friend’s fiancé.”

Robin looked over at her mum. “If I’m being honest now finally. I know you don’t like me working for Cormoran. I’ve gotten some of those same “why would he have hired her, there must be something going on” vibes from you too. I’ve always got the impression that you think Cormoran must have some sort of ulterior motive for hiring me or that I do for wanting to stay on.”

Linda looked away guiltily. “I’ve just been worried about you sweetie. This whole detective bit just felt like it came out of nowhere for me. Since you have been working for Cormoran you’ve been involved with murderers who have targeted you specifically, you were injured in a car crash, you were sent body parts in the mail, stalked, stabbed, and then attacked by a pedophile and his girlfriend. I know it is hard for you to understand and you take it as me not believing in you. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You will always be my little girl. No mum would be able to watch these things happen to her little girl without worrying and wishing her to be safe. Your father and I have lived a wonderful life here and have been very happy. It’s hard for me to understand that someone would willingly put themselves in such danger without some other motivation.”

Robin understood what her mum was saying on one hand, but she was missing the whole point. Mum, in the time I have been working for Cormoran, we solved two murders that would have gone unsolved. Leonora Quine would have spent the rest of her life in prison for killing her husband and her daughter would have been all alone in the world. I know you all are angry that I went to Brockbank’s house, but I saved two little girls from being molested. I want to help people, I want to get them justice the same way I got justice on my attacker. I have always been driven to find the explanation behind mysteries. The fact that I was attacked in uni only strengthened what was already there, it didn’t cause it. I have already accomplished so much. Cormoran gave that to me with no other expectations than that I work as hard as he does.”

Linda considered this. “I can understand that. I wish you had felt able to tell us this when you were younger. Maybe we wouldn’t have pressured you so much to forget about it all those years ago. Now I have a question for you. Did you think I was pressuring you to reconcile with Matthew when I was in London?”

Robin, grateful that her mum seemed to be coming around to her career choices, answered. “No, you made it clear it was my decision and that you both would support me no matter what I chose.”

Linda smiled faintly. “I had actually hoped you would have ended it with Matthew then. I did see that Matthew hated your job, but that you loved it. You couldn’t wait for me to leave so you could get back to work.

Robin looked at her mum, shocked.

“Why didn’t you just say so???”

Linda looked rueful. “Well, what would have happened if I had said so and then you still married Matthew. You’d think that I didn’t like or approve of him. I was keeping my options open. I had no idea how verbally abusive Matt had become though. I would have definitely spoken up if I had known.”

Robin let out a regretful sigh. “I see your point.” She looked at both parents.

“I am so sorry I let it get this far. I want you to both know I’m going to pay you back for all of this. It might take a while, but I will.”

Michael reached over the table and covered Robin’s hand. “Don’t worry about it. If we had been more supportive and actually listened to you after you left University, we wouldn’t be in this mess. We would never want you to marry someone just to make us happy or because we spent a bunch of money on it. Robin, It’s going to be ok and everything will work itself out the way it should.” He reached over to clasp Linda’s hand. “Your mum and I are here for you. We’ll do whatever we can to support you because you are our daughter and we both love you so much.”

Robin’s eyes filled with tears again.

“Thank you both, you have no idea how much that means to me and how much lighter I feel now that all this is out in the open.”

The three of them sat around the table sipping their tea. Linda was the one who broke the silence again.

“Robin, did Cormoran really call and offer you your job back? Are you going to accept?”

Robin allowed herself to remember Strike’s message. 

“Well,” she said. “He definitely did call to apologize for firing me and said he made a mistake. He did offer me my job back. As for whether I’m going to accept... Well, I’ll have to discuss that with him. Things would have to change and he’ll need to make me an actual partner, contract and all. If he’s willing to accept that, then yes I probably will go back. I wasn’t kidding about the Met though. If I applied, I know I would be accepted. He’ll have to know he’s not my only option and make sure he’s offering me more.” Robin smiled mischievously.

“I will likely ring him back tomorrow after everything with the wedding is sorted. I’ve been suffering for a week. He can squirm for awhile too.”

Her dad chuckled... “that’s my girl. Make him work for it.”

Robin laughed. God it felt good to laugh. She felt so happy, so relieved. She wanted to run through the house screaming that she was free. Tomorrow would suck, no doubt about that, but when it was over she would still be Robin Ellacott. Maybe, just maybe she would soon be Robin Ellacott PI again.


	4. Regret

“There was a long hard time when I kept far from me the remembrance of what I had thrown away when I was quite ignorant of its worth.” ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Chapter 4

Strike was tired. Tired and sore and wishing the damn car would just go faster. He had dozed off for awhile when he and Shanker first set off to Yorkshire. He hadn’t left the police station until 5am, spent all night being interrogated after the capture of Donald Laing. Now, he was awake and staring out the window watching the countryside fly past, regretting the things that had brought him to this point. 

They were speeding toward Masham to witness the wedding of his partner... can he call her that anymore? His stomach was in knots, he felt like he might be ill.

She never rang you back you complete wanker, he told himself. You’re going to walk into that wedding and be ejected... if you even make it through the doors.

He had no idea what he would be walking in on. He doubted Robin would expect him to turn up, so she probably hadn’t sent out his description with orders to bar the door. As much as it killed him, the idea of actually having to watch as Robin married another, he knew he had to. He would regret it forever if he didn’t get to speak with Robin before she left on her Honeymoon. Utter twat that Matthew was, he’d never get her back then. He had to try to get her back. He owed her the truth and he owed her an apology. 

Strike groaned and closed his eyes again.

Could he do it? Could he stand there quietly and watch his Robin bind her life to someone who didn’t deserve her? 

Strike scoffed in his head. Like you deserve her? She rescues two young girls from being raped and how do you repay her? By sacking her...

He would never forget the look of desperation and hopelessness, the anguish and disbelief that had filled her beautiful eyes when he told her they were through.

It had cut a path straight through the anger he had felt. Then he had glanced down and seen the sapphire engagement ring and all it represented, so he allowed his heart to harden against her once more.

It’s better this way, he had told himself. Quick and clean, I wasn’t lying. Better to use this excuse to cut ties now than have to sit by and watch her become a wife and then likely a mother soon thereafter. She’d leave then anyways, it was inevitable. She would never be his, so it was better to do this now.

Barely 24 hours had passed before he realized what a giant mistake he had made. 

I’d rather have any part of her that I can, for however long, than lose her forever. I need her. She’s irreplaceable.

Her kindness, her enthusiasm for the work, her dedication, her intelligence. She challenges him and makes him a better detective. Since the day she walked into his office for the first time, his affection and respect for Robin had grown. She had literally saved his agency and saved him.

He had tried so hard to keep boundaries in place. He allowed himself to admire her as an investigator, as a person, but never as a woman. Then suddenly the engagement ring was gone and she’d shared her personal history with violence and Strike’s admiration for her increased ten-fold. To have her history and still be so driven to solve, to search out the truth no matter how hard things got. She had never complained, never tried to improve him. She was remarkable and no one would ever come close. 

She’s perfect, Strike admitted to himself. Perfect... except for her taste in men. 

But honestly, how could he, Strike, judge her for that? He had his own history with a toxic relationship. Sometimes it isn’t obvious to the outside observer the ties that bind someone to someone else.

He had to allow her to make her own choices. He had just wanted her to choose him. That’s why he had forced her away. To punish her for his own pain and jealousy.

But did you ever say or do anything to make her feel like there was a choice to be made? No, no you did not, so quit your moaning and go beg for her forgiveness.

Strike glanced down at his phone. The ceremony should be starting now. He was going to be late, but should arrive before it was finished. He would congratulate her and then beg her to forgive him. He was willing to promise anything, any terms to get her to return to work. He would stay until she either agreed or asked him to leave.

“Shanker,” Strike said. “We are nearly there and I’m going to have to hurry. I’ll need you to wait for me. I might not be gone long. No telling how she’s going to react to seeing me. She didn’t call me back, so I have every reason to think she’s probably still pissed off.”

The pair sped through Masham headed towards the church. They slowed down as they approached the seemingly deserted parking lot.

“Sure we in the right place Bunsen?” Shanker said.

Strike checked the invitation.

“Yup, right place, right date, right time. What the fuck was happening? They were only 20 minutes late.

“Maybe your bird came to her senses and called it off?” Shanker said in a sly voice.

Strike allowed hope to surge briefly and then squashed it back down.

“She’s not my bird,” he said darkly. “We probably just missed them. Knew we’d be cutting it close. We should head to the reception and look for them there.”

Strike looked down at the invitation. It did not contain any information on the reception other than it would follow the ceremony. 

“Shit,” he muttered. Why had he never asked her anything about her wedding? 

You know why you dumb bastard, he told himself. You were pretending it wasn’t going to happen.

He had missed her. He had been holding out some hope that she would see him and leave with him. She was Mrs. Matthew Cunliffe now. He had no idea how to find her and he was still determined to talk to her before the Honeymoon. He didn’t bother calling her because he’d called half a dozen times and she refused to answer. She might have even blocked him. 

“Well Shanker. Looks like we drove a fucking long way for nothing.” Strike admitted. “Let head back to town and find a pub. I could use a pint and maybe I can ask around and find out where the reception is. It’s a small town, can’t be that many places to go. I am a detective after all. If I can’t find Robin in this place, I should just quit anyways.

“All right then Bunsen. I think I saw a place a couple of minutes from here.” 

10 minutes later Strike and Shanker were seated at a small table in the corner at The Bay Horse. He wondered if this was Robin’s local. He liked imagining her sitting at the same table he was sat at, drinking with a gang of other girls, celebrating some occasion or another. He wished desperately that she was here now, just the two of them, looking lovely while they were on a trip up to visit her family... 

Jesus Christ... he thought. That’s never going to happen now. She’s not yours and she never will be. You have got no one but to blame but yourself. You need to pull your shit together.

Shanker had been sitting there looking uncomfortable, not saying a word. “So what now Bunsen? You going to find someone to ask where this reception is at?”

Strike, however, did not hear what Shanker said. His whole attention was absorbed by a conversation that he could just barely overhear at a table a few meters away. 

“I cannot believe she just up and called it off this morning!” A tall, sandy haired bloke said to his companions. It was a table of four men, who looked to be in their early 20s. Three of the men were dressed in formal attire, while the 4th man was dressed more casually. 

“It’s been fucking outrageous at the house this morning,” the casually dressed man said. “Mum and dad have been on the phone since 6 cancelling everything. Wedding guests in and out of the house demanding answers. Geoffrey, of course came and made a scene, calling my sister all sorts of names. I’ve lost count of the number of outraged people who have come to have a go at my sister. I had to get out of there. I’ll head back after I’ve had a few drinks.”

Strike was finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden. No it had to be a coincidence. It wasn’t Robin’s wedding that had been cancelled. He’d never actually said Robin or Matthew’s name. Just someone named Geoffrey. He continued to listen.

One of the other formally dressed guys spoke. “Do you know what happened? Why did she freak out at the last minute? They’ve been together ages. Would have liked a shot at that myself but she’s always been taken.”

“Oy, watch it, that’s my sister! Yeah, not sure if I got the whole story, but apparently they were talking on the phone last night and she told him she was going to go work for the Met. He freaked out, they rowed and eventually he accused her of cheating on him with her ex boss Strike, so she called it off.”

Strike, startled upon hearing his name, realized he was listening to one of Robin’s brothers speak to his friends. He was so relieved that he would be able to find her that it didn’t register at first what he had heard. 

She was not married. She wasn’t getting married. She was not with Matthew anymore... but she was still leaving him. She was joining the Met. He felt equal parts elation and depression. Maybe there was still a chance I could get her back. I still need to talk to her, apologize in person. I owe her that, he thought.

“Yeah,” Robin’s brother continued talking. “Apparently the really bad bit was when she found out he had been deleting voicemails and blocking people on her phone. He said she had been screwing around with her boss for months, but Robin says that’s complete rubbish. Mum and dad witnessed a screaming row between the two of them at like 2 in the morning. I slept through all of that apparently.”

Strike had heard enough. He would wait until Robin’s brother left the pub and then he would get Shanker to follow him home. He would not give up hope until he had spoken to Robin and heard it from her directly.

“Alright Shanker, we got our lead. Bloke over there is Robin’s brother. Wedding’s been called off.” He tried to keep the gleeful tone he felt at that news out of his voice. “We’ll follow him when he leaves here. Once I talk to Robin we can head back to London” 

“Fuckin too right Bunsen. Your bird is still available then huh?” Shanker was happy to have some additional time out of the car, fuckin Yorkshire.... and relieved that he didn’t have to drive a heartbroken grumpy sod back to London immediately. Maybe he’d be taking both Strike and Robin back when they went. He liked Robin. She was kind, like Leda and would be good for his brother.

Twenty minutes later, Strike’s attention was drawn as the table with Robin’s brother seemed to be getting ready to depart. He didn’t want to give Robin any advance warning he was coming. He was already worried that she would refuse to hear him out. From everything he heard in the pub, she had already had a pretty shit day and might not want one more emotional upheaval showing up on her doorstep. He felt guilty adding to her stresses. He suspected that he was the one Matthew had blocked on her phone and that was why none of his calls had gone through, so he could always try calling her again. However, since she had not called him yet after discovering the block and since he really did want to apologize in person, he was going to go find her now while he was still in proximity to her. 

Strike had wanted to be waiting in the car when Robin’s brother left the pub, but since he had no idea whether he would be going on foot or by car, they had remained in the pub waiting for him to leave. They would have to move quick. By the time they had exited the pub, their quarry was climbing into a car just cross the road. 

“Shit, Shanker... hurry up or we’ll lose him.” Strike said, slightly panicked.

They hurried to their car in the small carpark and turned to see that Robin’s brother had not pulled out yet, Strike breathed a sigh of relief... they would make it. When Strike was nearly there another car sped into the lot and slammed on the brakes right behind them, blocking them in. He turned to tell off the driver.

“Oh for fucks sake,” he muttered. An angry, belligerent looking man had just exited the car approaching Strike with murder in his eyes. The absolute last person Strike wanted to come face to face with just now.

... fucking Matthew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get Strike’s perspective. I apologize for any butchering I have done to Shanker’s speech!


	5. Nearby

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win - unknown

Chapter 5

“What the fuck are YOU doing here, you fucking bastard? Come to gloat did you? No one else in London willing to shag you huh? You came up here to steal my WIFE!

Matthew had barely exited the car when he started to bellow at Strike. The area outside the pub was quite crowded. He drew the attention of everyone in the vicinity, it seemed, except Robin’s brother, who Strike watched despondently as he drove away.

Feeling extremely angry now that Matthew had caused his path to Robin to disappear, he turned to face the man himself, who now stood quite close waiting for Strike to respond. 

“What are you on about? I came here because I had been invited to your wedding. I didn’t even know it had been called off till I got here. There’s plenty of people to shag in London, don’t know what you’re getting at or what that has to do with anything. I’m also not sure what wife you are referring to as I heard you haven’t got one.” He said the last with a smirk that seemed to push Matthew over the edge.

“You smug fucking cripple. I know you’ve been fucking Robin. She denies it, but I know it’s true. There’s no other reason for you to keep her on. She didn’t even graduate uni. You’ve been dragging her down for years to your grubby level. Making her believe following cheating spouses is a respectable career path. Don’t know why you even bother. She’s not even that great in the sack. Suppose you can’t do better.”

Strike just looked at Matthew coolly. “I suppose the three murderers that Robin was instrumental in helping catch, aren’t worth anything to you. I have stood by watching you take her for granted for years, degrading her achievements. I was unable to do anything about it because I respected her too much to denigrate her choices. I’ve never so much as laid a hand on her. I can only thank God she’s come to her senses and kicked you to the curb.”

Only the fact that Strike did not want to be held up by the police prevented him from retaliating after Matthew swung out and punched him. The injuries caused by Laing the night before slowed him down just enough that Matthew was able to connect with the side of his jaw. Laing had inflicted far more damage than pitiful Matthew, but compounded with everything else, he allowed his rage to consume him.

“Shanker! Don’t hurt him, but get a hold of him will you.” Strike shouted and rubbed his sore jaw as he watched Shanker subdue a struggling Matthew.

“Ok you fucking arsehole, let’s get a few things straight. First, don’t ever presume to lay your hands on me again. I outclass you in every way... this is your warning.” He gestured to the crowd, “and these are my witnesses that you attacked me unprovoked and I did not retaliate. I’ll have no trouble claiming self defense if you feel you need to have another go. Shanker let him go and get in the car.”

Shanker shot Matthew a dangerous look, but got in the drivers seat. Matthew, finally sensing the aura of danger these two men possessed looked less sure of himself now. Strike addressed Matthew and the watching bystanders. “Second, I only just found out Robin called the wedding off. I haven’t spoken to her and I don’t know why. I can only guess you did something especially despicable this time, because she previously took you back even after she found out you had been sleeping with Sarah Shadlock.”

Matthew looked properly horrified now and glanced over nervously at a prematurely balding man who was standing several feet away looking equally horrified.

Strike opened the passenger door and got in. Rolling down the window he addressed Matthew one final time. “I’m also quite tired of your accusations that Robin and I have been shagging. Robin is the best person I’ve ever met and she is brilliant. She’s worth about a thousand of you. She’s kind and honest and would never have cheated on you with anyone. If you mucked this up, you have no one but blame but your fucking self. I mostly fired her because I knew she would be unhappy trying to do her job while married to you. I also wanted to protect her from the Shacklewell Ripper, but since I caught him last night and you’re out of the picture, I’m now going to go beg her forgiveness and get her back. Thanks for being a complete arsehole... appreciate it man, I do.”

Strike rolled up the window and waited for Matthew to get back in his car. 

“Sure you don’t want me to rough him up a bit Bunsen?” 

Strike thought for minute and then said, “I’m not ruling it out, but let’s see if he moves his car first.”

Strike was watching as Matthew and the bald bloke seemed to now be screaming at each other. It was clear the second guy was quite drunk, but he looked ready to take a swing at Matthew at any minute. Strike pulled out his phone and began recording. Sure enough, a few minutes later, the bald guy had tackled Matthew to the ground and started pummeling his face. Shanker laid on the car horn, which seemed to nudge the horrified onlookers to take action.

Several of the men watching rushed over and pulled the man off Matthew. One of the men helped Matthew to his feet and seemed to offer to drive him home. They both got in the car and then finally drove away.

“So what now Bunsen?” Shanker looked highly entertained.

“Fuck if I know,” Strike said wearily. He had barely slept in the last 48 hours and this last explosion had done him in. He wasn’t sure if he had the energy to try to find Robin right at this moment, wasn’t up for another confrontation. If he could just speak to her, just the two of them. However, he had lost his only lead and just needed to rest for awhile. If all else failed he would ring the directory and call her parents’ home. He was trying to avoid that though because he wanted to avoid Robin’s mother, who Strike knew, disliked him greatly. If Robin didn’t answer the phone, he was unsure anyone else in the house would pass along a message. He also felt it best to have the element of surprise on his side. If Robin knew he was here, she could actively avoid him, or have time to organize her well deserved ire with him. Neither option was promising and if he was going to do any of that, he needed a few hours of rest at least. 

“Tell you what Shanker. I’m fucking knackered. If you could find me a Travelodge nearby, you can leave me and head back to London. I know Robin is here somewhere, but I cannot handle anymore just now. I need to get some sleep. I’m still not leaving before I get to speak to her, but now that I know she didn’t marry that tosser, I’ve been given a brief reprieve. If things go well, maybe I can head back to London with Robin. If they go shitty, I’ll get a train back. You don’t need to stay while I sleep.”

“The fuck makes you think I’d leave you here alone with the likes of that fucker running around. I could use a bit of a break myself. I ain’t in no rush just now,”

Strike looked to Shanker gratefully. “Thanks mate. Don’t care where. Anywhere is fine,” and he leaned his head back on the seat and closed his eyes as the car pulled back onto the road. It was a sign of his exhaustion that he could stand to have his eyes closed in a car driven by Shanker just now.

Meanwhile at Robin’s house.

Martin walked in the door, talking on his mobile.

“He didn’t.... what did he say say? ....Are you fucking kidding me??? That’s complete bullshit! .... And then what happened..... NO!.... Well good on him.... I’m sorry you’re going to need to say that again!... wait Tom? Did you just say Tom punched Matthew? .... where are they now?.... Did HE leave as well?.... can’t believe I left and missed all that. Damn,.... hey, I’m home now. I’ve got to tell Robin. Let me ring you back in a minute.”

Martin practically ran through the house looking for Robin and his parents. His mate Chris had rung him and filled him in on what had just happened at the Bay Horse after he left and he needed to find a way to break it to his family first before anyone else did.

The house, which had been a hive of drama all morning, seemed to have settled a bit and he found his mum and dad in the kitchen, Michael sitting at the table and Linda hovering over some sort of sauce on the stove.

“Where’s Robin?” Martin could barely suppress his excitement. 

Linda looked reproachfully at her troublemaking son, “she’s just gone upstairs for a kip. Don’t bother her just now. Geoffrey’s visit really upset her, so I sent her to rest until dinner. Who does that man think he is? No wonder Matthew grew up to be such a hypocritical jerk. Imagine coming here and demanding reimbursement for the Honeymoon his son is still going on.”

Martin just looked gleeful, “she’s going to want to hear this. Let me just go get her so I can tell you all at once.”

Martin left the kitchen over Linda’s protests and returned five minutes later with a cross looking Robin in tow. 

“All right Martin, I’m here. Now tell me what the big secret is. I’m not sure I can take much more today, so this better be something good.” Robin’s tone was harsher than Martin was used to hearing from his sister. Then again, the sister he knew would have married Matthew today, so maybe this was a brand new sister he would have to get to know all over again. 

I’ve just come from The Bay Horse. I left, but my mate Chris was still there. As he was leaving he saw Matthew having a go at two blokes out in the carpark trying to leave.... blocked their car in and everything.”

Robin was irritated. Why would Martin think she was interested in anything Matthew was up to today? He interrupted her nap... well she hadn’t really been sleeping... for this? 

In fact, Robin had been staring at her phone trying to decide whether to call Strike. She had dreamed about him last night. Dreamed that she had showed up in the office at Denmark Street and walked in on him kissing Charlotte. He had looked at her so coldly and told her she was fun while it lasted but he had a new partner and didn’t need her anymore. She’d woken from the dream gasping and had been unable to sleep again until she had listened to his voicemail about half a dozen more times. She knew she needed to talk to him soon. She couldn’t make any decisions about her Matthew-less future until she had sorted things out with him. Her biggest issue was that she didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. She wanted to just speak to him, just the two of them, where she would be able to tell what he was really thinking. 

Martin continued his story, “so i asked Chris who the two blokes were and he said he’d never seen them before, but from what Matthew was screaming, that one of them was probably your old boss, Strike.”

Robin froze, not daring to breathe. Strike was in Masham?

“So apparently Matthew is screaming all sorts of obscenities at Strike and then Matt hauls off and punches him!”

Robin’s mouth dropped open in shock, but Martin was still talking.

“Yeah, but Strike refused to fight Matthew. Had the bloke he was with... well Chris said Strike called him Shanker, but that can’t be right.... anyways, had the bloke grab hold of Matthew’s arms and then proceeded to give Matthew a telling off right there in front of like 2 dozen people. Telling everyone how amazing Robin was and how it was all Matthews fault if the wedding was called off.”

Robin was barely listening at this point. Strike was here or had been here very recently. He had come to her wedding. She hadn’t thought to call him to announce the cancellation. He had never said he was coming. Her mum only called the people who had RSVP’d. He’d come here for her. All thoughts of her dream from last night thoroughly obliterated. She had to find him, had to talk to him. What seemed an impossible thing 10 minutes ago could be reality as soon as she could get out of here and find him. She was so absorbed in planning her next step that she almost missed when Martin finished his story by announcing the fact that Tom had beaten Matthew up.

“What?” Robin said, inwardly amused, but trying to hide it. “Did you just say that Matt and Tom were fighting in the street? Why?”

Martin’s grinned. “Apparently your Strike told Matthew he must have done something truly awful this time for you to actually call off the wedding, because you had taken him back once before after he had cheated with Sarah. Apparently both Matthew and Sarah had told Tom that they were just friends and had never slept together.” 

“Right, well, that’s their fault then,” Robin said. “I don’t know if Matt is really still sleeping with her or if he was just trying to piss me off and get in the last word last night, but Matt got what he deserved. He’s terrible to Tom and I always hated having to go out with them as a foursome. It was bloody awful. Now though, the last thing I need to know is if Cormoran is still at The Bay Horse or if he left.”

“Sorry Robs, Chris said that they left right after the fight broke up. I have no idea where he went.”

Robin turned to her parents. “I have to go find him. He came all the way here and I wanted to talk to him face to face anyways. He cannot dodge my questions then,” she said with a grin.

Her parents noticed that Robin looked happier than they had seen her since she had come home for the wedding. Any lingering doubts about her decision to return to work with Strike were set aside. Anything that made their baby girl this happy was just fine with them. They would always worry about her, but they had watched her overcome so many things during her life and come out stronger. They were so proud that she had found the courage to call off her wedding and do what makes her happy. That’s all parents want for their children. 

Linda spoke, “We understand sweetie. Go find Cormoran and work things out. If he needs somewhere to stay, you can bring him back here. Just call and let us know.”

“Thanks mum. Love you!” Robin said over her shoulder as she was already darting out of the room.

Robin rushed up to her room and closed the door. She pulled out her mobile and stared at it, trying to gather her thoughts. She could just ring him, but if all possible she wanted to surprise him. He was clearly after the same thing as he hadn’t rung her once he’d found out the wedding was cancelled. Martin said Strike was with Shanker. She grinned. 

She pulled up Shanker’s number, the one that she was not even supposed to have in the first place, and sent him a text.

Shanker, it’s Robin. Weird question, but are you in Yorkshire currently?

It took less than a minute before she got a response.

Too right i fuckin am. Bunsen’s been looking for you

Yeah i just heard. Where are you?

Someplace called The Woodman Inn

I’m on my way. Don’t tell him I’m coming. Find some excuse and meet me in front in thirty minutes please

Sure thing

Robin set the phone down and got ready to meet Strike. As much as she was eager to see him, a part of her still remembered his anger, sarcasm, and dismissal of her a week previously. She had to stay firm. She could not let her relief overcome reason. Yes, he had apologized, but if she had ever been a true partner, if she had meant anything to him at all, he ought not have been able to sack her in the first place. Before she agreed to go back, she needed honesty from him. She would join the Met if he wouldn’t accept her as an equal. Well, maybe not equal. He did have years of experience on her and it was his agency, but she wanted respect and a contract at the very least.

Fifteen minutes later she was freshly showered and dressed in a soft blue shirt that matched her eyes and a knee length grey skirt. She wrapped her hair up and tucked it under a wide brimmed hat. On her way out the door she grabbed a bottle of wine and a bottle of her dad’s whiskey and then left the house in her parents car. There were a lot of wedding guests still in town and the last thing she wanted was a rumor to start circulating that she was out meeting a man at a hotel on what should have been her wedding night. She made the short drive to The Woodman Inn and pulled up beside Shanker who was sitting on a bench having a smoke.

“Well Shanker, pretty sure I never expected to see you in Yorkshire.” Robin laughed. “How much is he paying you?”

“We’re still negotiating.” Was Shanker’s blunt reply. “Listen Rob, Bunsen’s up in room 203. Go easy on him alright. He’s had a rough 24 hours. He caught that Shacklewell Ripper last night. Was that arsehole Donny Laing.”

Robin gasped. Today had been so disastrous and emotional that she hadn’t once checked online for news of the Shacklewell Ripper. Strike had got him. It wasn’t Brockbank and it wasn’t her fault. 

Shanker was still talking, “The police also got Brockbank last night. Found him hiding out in some hovel. Fuckers lucky I've been busy following Laing all week and I didn’t find him first.”

Robin closed her eyes, she was dizzy with relief. They had caught Laing and Brockbank. It was over. She could go upstairs and get her job back and they could work together to rebuild the agency. 

“Thanks Shanker. That’s great news. I can’t wait to get the full story from Cormoran. I’m not sure how long I’ll be, but I need to talk to him alone. Were you two planning to head back tonight?”

Shanker shook his head. “He’s lying down right now. Laing got a few knocks in last night. He got stitched up and spent the rest of the night being interviewed by police. We pretty much came straight here this morning. Then we couldn't find you, so we went to some pub where your ex tried to get a few knocks in too. He wants to talk, but needed a rest first.”

Robin, dismayed that Strike had been injured capturing Laing said, “Well if you want to head back to London tonight, I can take him back tomorrow. I need to head back anyways so I can get all my stuff out of my old flat and find a new one.”

Shanker looked at her closely. “I’ll head back then. Jus need to say somethin first... You know, I told him he was a fucker for sacking you. Alyssa appreciates what you did for her girls, was reckless, but brave as ‘ell. I’ve known Bunsen a long time and the only time he acts irrational is when he loves someone. That Laing fucker wanted to kill you and you were basically helping it along. Bunsen woulda been wrecked if somethin had happened to you as revenge against him. Woulda worked too if he’d got ya. Bunsen woulda been done for.”

Robin gasped and felt a warm feeling deep in her stomach. One of his best friends thinks that Cormoran “loves” her. Maybe all the things he’s said and done over the last few weeks have really just been out of concern for me and not because he doubts my abilities or thinks I’m unfit now that he knows about the rape. Shanker was right. She had been stubborn and projected the insecurities that Matthew invoked in her onto her interactions with Strike. He had never made her feel “Less” than him. He had only wanted her to be safe. He just needed to understand that for them to be able to move forward he needed to trust her and allow her to take the same risks that he would. They might not need to be equal in everything, but when it came to the work, she had to insist. She also knew that she herself had more than platonic feelings for Strike. She had never let herself dwell on them while she was with Matthew. If he felt the same, if the possibility was there, they had a lot to talk about. 

Robin turned to Shanker and said, “I’ll keep that in mind. The last thing I want is to hurt him. All I've wanted since he fired me was another chance. Now that I’ve left Matt, I can devote myself entirely to work and I want that to be with him. So, don’t worry about him. I’ve got it from here. Give me the key so I can let myself in if he’s already asleep.”

Shanker handed over the key and winked at her. He then turned and headed out to his car, moving fast before Robin could smack him.

Robin called after him, “Tell Alyssa and the girls that I’m glad they are alright and that I said hello.... and Shanker, thanks. Thanks for helping me with Brockbank even though I’m sure Cormoran was pissed at you too and thanks for bringing him here.”

Robin watched until he left the parking lot with a wave. She parked the car and then headed upstairs to (hopefully) her future.


	6. Finally

There is no love without forgiveness and there is no forgiveness without love - Bryant H. McGill

Chapter 6

Strike had just finished showering and had laid down on the bed in his hotel room when he heard a knock on the door. He was only wearing boxers and an undershirt and had already removed his prosthesis so he called to Shanker to just come in. He froze when he heard a female voice call out.

“Are you sure you’re decent?”

He couldn’t answer... his brain seemed to have stopped working for the moment. Before he could ask her to wait, he heard a key in the door. Then before he could even process what was happening, she was there. Time in the room seemed to freeze. 

She looked amazing.... utterly fucking amazing. He had forgotten in the last week how beautiful she was. She was hesitating at the door. Why wasn’t she coming in? Why was she blushing? Maybe I’m already asleep and this is a dream. Yes, I must be dreaming because Robin could not be here in this room right now. 

“Cormoran? Can I come in?” Robin said gently from the door.

Right, yes... invite her in. Jesus the way she says my name should be illegal. I feel it everywhere, surely that must be against some law. 

She was still waiting... had he not responded? For fucks sake, pull yourself together and get a grip.

Strike closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. When he opened his eyes he seemed visibly calmer. 

“Yes, please come in. Just give me a minute to get dressed.” He looked at her and gave her a small half smile. “I’m really so glad you are here. Since you are, I’m guessing you know I was coming to find you?”

She nodded and he looked relieved. “Right... good. We have a lot to talk about if you’re up for it. Just give me 5 minutes.”

He gathered up his clothes and noticed she had discreetly turned her back to him to spare him the embarrassment of having to hop to the bathroom in front of her. A wave of fondness washed over him. She was probably the kindest, most thoughtful person he knew.

Robin heard him leave the room and head into the bathroom. The small room did have a table and two chairs, so she went over and gratefully sank down on one of them. Sitting on the bed seemed fraught with danger. She was glad to have a few minutes to gather her thoughts after seeing him. She had not been prepared for the rush of happiness that had filled her at the sight of him. She had always thought Matthew more handsome, but seeing Cormoran on a bed, dressed in only boxers and a t-shirt had shocked her. She had felt a sudden wave of desire and was desperately glad he would return to the room fully dressed. They HAD to talk and she wasn’t sure she would have been able to form a coherent thought in her present state. Maybe having this talk in a room with a conveniently located bed was not her brightest plan.

As Robin sat at the table, she tried to remember all the things she was still angry with Strike about. However, what Shanker had said to her outside had cleared up quite a few. She wasn’t angry anymore, not really. So many of their previous misunderstandings had been borne out of a lack of communication. She should have told him about her rape long ago. Should have made him understand what her home life was like and how no one had believed in her before him. That’s why it had hurt so much when she felt him sidelining her. It felt like he had joined the ranks of Matthew and her family. She needed him to trust her and have faith in her. If they couldn’t tell each other the truth it would be better to separate now, before either of them fell deeper into this. 

She might not have graduated, but she had studied psychology in Uni. During the events of the last day, she had realized that her relationship with Matthew had been even more toxic than she first thought. She had ended things because she knew that being married to Matthew could never coexist in a world where she was a detective. She had decided that she loved being a detective more than she loved Matthew. The rest had just come spilling out. As she allowed herself to be truly honest with everyone, including herself, she had realized that she didn’t love Matthew at all. She had been clinging to an illusion. She had excused and overlooked every dismissive thing he had ever said to her. Ignored his sycophantic ways and rationalized his possessiveness and jealousy. It was textbook emotional abuse and she had never seen it.... some psychologist. She was incredibly grateful for Strike giving her a chance. She was even mostly grateful now that he had fired her. If not for that emotional trauma she might never had found the courage to confront Matthew about the career she intended to do for the rest of her life. She shuddered... she could right at this very moment be married to Matthew and dancing at their reception. She tried to imagine Strike there at her reception watching her dance with her husband. He had originally come to Masham thinking he was attending her wedding. If Shanker was right, if Cormoran did have feelings for her, watching her marry another man would have been awful. He had still come though. He came straight to her the moment Laing had been arrested. She glowed at the thought. Hopefully she would be able to make him understand her point of view and they could move forward together. Rebuild the agency and maybe something more....

She heard the bathroom door open. Finally he was there.

Strike entered the room cautiously. He had put back on the suit he had been planning to wear to Robin’s wedding. The bruises and bandages did not go unnoticed by Robin. She had been distracted by the amount of skin showing before, but now that it was mostly covered, she could see the damage Laing had wrought. She wanted to rush over and wrap him in her arms, cry and weep, and beg him to never send her away again. Instead she bent over to her bag and pulled out the wine and whiskey.

“I bring a peace offering,” she said with a small smile.

Strike visibly relaxed.

“Always appreciated, especially after everything that’s happened” he said. “I could use a drink.”

Robin stood and fetched two glasses from the small kitchen area in the room. She poured him a generous glass of whiskey and some wine for herself as he seated himself at the table. She walked back over and handed him the whiskey, then sat in the empty chair and looked him straight in the eyes.

With drinks in hand, silence filled the room. It was electric as they both stared at each other. Both debating on whether they should be the ones to break the silence and how to even start. Finally Strike could not bear another moment.

“Christ Robin, I’m so unbelievably sorry for sacking you. I’m the world largest tit. Please come back to work. I need you, it’s not the same without you. I know it’s only been a week, but it was the longest week of my life.”

Robin softened slightly, but she was resolved to say all the things she had avoided before. “I’m not sure anyone has ever hurt me more than you did Cormoran.” Strike visibly flinched.

She continued, “Physically I’ve been hurt plenty,” she gestured to her arm, “but emotionally, you really did a number. I know I fucked up with Brockbank, getting caught and letting him escape. I knew you would be against it and forbid me to do it. I’m not sure a man can ever really understand the powerlessness you feel after being raped. I do and if that makes me too emotionally involved to do this job properly then that is an issue we need to discuss. However, I am incapable of being the sort of person who allows a child to be molested in order to save my career. I know we can’t save everyone, but this was in our power to fix. I’ll be damned if I’ll ever be able to sit back and let something like that happen without trying to stop it. I should have talked to you about it, but I have to know we are on the same page about our priorities in those situations. If this is going to work we have to TRUST each other.”

Strike nodded. It seemed like she wasn’t completely decided on joining the Met if she was talking about how to move forward. He could work with this. He decided he needed to be totally honest with her. It was a risk, but he felt like his only chance of making things work with Robin was to let her in.

“I guess I haven’t made it easy for you to trust me. I know I’m a closed off, grumpy bastard. I haven’t had very many people I could rely on in the past. I need you to know though, that I realize I was wrong about Brockbank. I’ve sacrificed just about everything for this agency and Carver was threatening it. Since the day you received that leg, I’ve been a fucking wreck. Lost in memories and regrets, blinded by fear for your safety and my own solvency. In the military, following orders is essentially the only rule. You aren’t always able to follow your conscience. In my frustration over the powerless I felt in not being able to investigate this case the way that I wanted, I’d forgotten that I was no longer was bound by the same strictures I had in the military. I have felt guilty over Brockbank’s escape ever since it happened, so I should have been bloody eager to prevent something I wasn’t able to prevent before. I laid my guilt on you and that was wrong of me.”

Robin relaxed noticeably. Strike had agreed that she’d done the right thing going to Alyssa. If he’d held firm to his previous stance, working together would have been impossible. She could work with this.

“I do want to come back to work, but I think there’s a few things we need to discuss. If you still want me after it all, then I’ll come back,” Robin said. 

I’ll always fucking want you, he thought. On the outside though he only nodded, still feeling tense.

“Cormoran, when you fired me I was so devastated. This job is all I’ve ever wanted. You told me during the Quine case that you wanted a partner, someone who would do all the same things you expected of yourself. Ever since this case started though, I’ve had to fight you every step of the way to be allowed to continue working. Now I’ve come to realize in the last day that I have a lot of insecurities and that leads me to doubt people’s motivations. Since this case started it felt like you didn’t think I was capable of taking care of myself and I felt desperate to prove myself.” 

She held up a hand to stop him, when it looked like he was about to protest. “Like I said, that’s just how I felt and a lot of that has to do with the way my family and Matthew treated me after I was raped. If I come back, I refuse to be wrapped up in cotton wool every time a creep threatens me. I have worked too hard to regain myself.”

Strike had to add, “I’ll agree to that if we can agree to no “unnecessary” risks and that if you think I’m being unreasonable that you ask me my reasons rather than assume the worst.”

She gave him a serious look. “That’s more than fair.”

Strike had to ask. “What happened with Matthew?

Robin gave him a half smile. “You warned me it would be difficult to do this job while in a relationship with someone who hated it and you were 100% right about that. I was all set to marry Matthew today, thinking he was all I had left. I was trying to fall asleep last night and couldn’t muster even the tiniest bit of excitement for today, so I started to dwell on why. It didn’t take me long to realize that I would never get to do the job I love while married to him. He has been such a smug bastard since you sacked me. So basically, I refused to go through with it, he came over and threw a giant fit, accused me of cheating on him with you, and then admitted he’s still been screwing Sarah. Not sure if the last bit is true or if he was just trying to come out on top, but I don’t really care either way. Oh, and I also found out he deleted your voicemail from a few days ago and he blocked you on my phone. I found that bit out after I had already broken it off. If I had found out before, that would have been enough to finish things on its own. No one fucking tells me who I can and can’t talk to.” She finished heatedly.

Strike was grinning at her. “I told Matthew today that you were worth a thousand of him. I might have underestimated.”

Robin gave him an apologetic look. “Yeah I heard about that. Sorry he hit you. I’m just glad you didn’t hit him back. Some of his old school friends are in the police. I can just see him trying to press assault charges.”

“Crossed my mind too,” Strike grinned at her. I wanted to punch him so much. Especially when he started badmouthing you.” He pulled out his phone. “I taped the whole scene afterwards when he got in a fight with some other guy just in case I needed to prove it wasn’t me.”

Robin laughed, “Brilliant! Let me see it.”

Strike moved his chair over until they were sitting right beside each other. Robin was incredibly aware of how close he was. Her face felt like it was on fire. Strike extended his arm towards her and showed her the short video on his phone.

“I don’t think Matt’s going to have time to hassle you after this. That guy he’s fighting is his boss and Sarah’s fiancé.”

Now it was Strike’s turn to laugh out loud. “Whoops. Well I would say sorry, but I’m not in the slightest. He deserves everything he gets.” He turned to look at her. “I just couldn’t believe he was accusing us of having an affair. As if THAT’S the only reason I would want you as my partner”

Robin looked up and met his eyes. She couldn’t look away. “And that brings us neatly to the last thing we need to discuss.”

Robin took a moment and then said, “Was Brockbank the ONLY reason you fired me? I think part of the reason I was so shocked is that it came out of nowhere. I knew you would be angry, but I thought we would be able to talk about it. For you to fire me so cruelly seemed out of proportion to what I did. I think that you were punishing me for reconciling with Matthew.”

Strike exhaled slowly. She was exactly spot on. He had no choice here but to tell her. “I was angry at the time, but pretty much the moment I left your house I realized I was pushing you away before I got in deeper. I knew if you married Matthew you would leave me eventually and I was trying to spare myself the pain.” He looked away from her and stared down at his whiskey, but continued. “I don’t get close to many people because they all eventually leave. I already know losing you would destroy me, so I thought it would be easier to end it on my own terms.”

“Was it any easier,” she asked gently.

“Christ no, it fucking wasn’t. Told you, worst week of my life.”

“Well in that case, there might be one last thing to discuss.” The way she purred the words made him look up at her in shock. Robin was looking at him almost as if she wanted him. No surely he was mistaken. However he briefly allowed hope to fill him. “Yeah? What would that be?” He said in a low raspy voice.

Robin didn’t speak. She reached out tentatively and stroked his cheek. She ran the tip of one finger gently up and over the nose Laing had broken last night and continued down until her thumb caressed his crooked lip. Strike closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. He felt her face grow close and her scent enveloped him. Then, with just the barest whisper of pressure, he felt her lips touch his. He leaned forward to press into her. It was almost chaste but it was the sweetest kiss he’d ever had. He felt her shifting out of her chair and suddenly his lap was full of Robin as she flung her arms around him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and allowed the other to bury in her hair, holding her to him desperately. The feel of her in his arms was like nothing he’d ever known before. This... this is worth any sacrifice, any price, he thought. I would fight and die for this. 

Robin knew that the man she was clinging to was her future. He’d given her so much, helped her discover the person hiding inside her all these years. She had no doubt there would be obstacles. Strike was an independent man. He was used to a solitary lifestyle. He was grumpy and overly proud. He was also brilliant, focused, supportive, and brave. If she could break down some of his walls, she had no doubt that they would become partners in every sense of the way....

Eventually Robin loosened her grip on Strike. She pulled back until she could see his battered face. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room was euphoric. 

“All right, you’ve convinced me. I’ve no idea where I’m going to live, but I’ll come back.” She grinned at him. “ I want a contract though. If this all goes to hell I don’t want to lose everything. I’ve got options you know, Vanessa told me they’d accept my application to the Met if I was interested.”

Strike looked horrified and Robin laughed. “That was only a backup plan if I couldn’t make you see sense. You’re the one that I want”.... she let a moment pass, “to work for.” She gave him a cheeky grin.

He leaned forward and growled in her ear. “You are playing with fire my dear. If you joined the Met you’d turn into a brainless drone like the rest of them. I’m doing you a giant favor... by taking you” he finished with relish.

Robin burst out laughing. “Bad sexual puns, is this what I have to look forward to?”

“You started it.” He said with a chuckle. He liked this honesty thing. He liked Robin sat in his lap as well.

They both sat in silence for a moment relishing their closeness, their new understanding. Strike was idly tracing a figure eight on the small of her back and it was sending slight shockwaves through her body. Robin could not stop running her fingers through his hair. It was so much softer than she had expected. She wasn’t sure if she leaned in or he did, but suddenly they were kissing each other desperately. She had never felt like this. He tasted of cigarettes and whiskey and it was absolutely addictive. 

Holy shit, Strike thought. Is this really happening? He was still worried that he had been right initially. He was dreaming and would wake in his bed alone at any minute. It sure as hell felt real though. If he was awake and if this was real, he knew that his life had just changed. He couldn’t imagine a day where he would tire of kissing her. He was shit at relationships, didn’t know how to make them work, but he would give it everything he had. This woman in his arms was worth it.

He began to slow the kiss down, ending it with reluctance. Robin was just getting out of an engagement. He didn’t want to rush things. She deserved every stage of a new relationship. Phone calls, dinner dates, presents, romance, commitment.... he wanted them to be forever and he wouldn’t skip steps even though he wanted her desperately. 

“If it’s not already clear,” he said, trying this communication thing she had suggested. “I want you in every way. I want you as my official partner in the agency and I want to be with you. One has nothing to do with the other. I’ve held myself at a distance because I am attracted to you, but I respect you as my partner in the agency even more and would never had wanted to be the reason you ended things with Matthew. Starting a relationship on those terms rarely ends well. We are both free now...”

“Wait, shit, I totally forgot. What about Elin?” Robin interrupted, looking hesitant.

“Oh forgot you wouldn’t know. That ended the night I came to your house. Walked out on her at a restaurant after spilling a drink on her when Carver called. It was never serious though.”

“ now as I was saying, we are both free, but I want to do this right. I’m not going to rush you into anything. I want to do this all on your terms, because this is really important to me too. We both have a lot to lose and I don’t have a great track record with stable relationships.” 

Robin reached out and cupped his cheek. Somehow, with just those words she knew they had a stable enough ground to build on. “So long as we talk about things instead of making assumptions and provided that you don’t sack me again, I think we’ll be great. I’ve actually come a long way in the last week. I found the courage to cancel my wedding and tell my family that they have been part of the problem. I don’t think I’ll have any issues telling you if you’re shutting me out.” 

She smiled at him, “I might not know everything about you Cormoran, but I do know you well enough to know you’re fiercely independent. I’m not going to resent that or try to change you. I just want to be your partner and for you to know that you can depend on me to help.” 

His eyes searched hers like she was some sort of mirage. “I’m not sure I’ll ever deserve you, but I’m also selfish enough to never stop wanting you.”

She leaned forward and kissed him once more briefly. She took his hand in hers and squeezed.

“Well then, now that all that’s sorted. I believe you were about to take a nap. How about we lie down and you tell me absolutely everything about how you caught Laing. I’m not in any hurry. 

Strike burst out laughing. “Of course, the first time you invite me to bed and all you want to do is talk about work. You’re a strange woman Ellacott.”

Robin rolled her eyes, but smiled. “I’m not saying that’s ALL we’ll do,” she gave him a heated look that caused him to gulp. “I just know you’re tired, you look exhausted and to be honest I am too. I want to hear everything and then we’ll see.” The last was said with a wink.

Together they stood and crossed the room to the bed. Strike quickly removed his pants and prothesis so he could get comfortable. He settled in bed on his back and then pulled Robin into his arms. She curled up half on top of him and rested her head on his chest. Both marveled at the lack of awkwardness and how well they fit together, like two puzzle pieces missing from the same box for years. Strike leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of her head, silently marveling that a day that had started as one of his worst had quickly turned into one of his best. He thanked whatever deity interfered and brought them together against all odds. 

“Laing... alright.... Well believe it or not, the key to the whole thing was Sea Holly”.....

**Author's Note:**

> First time poster, long time reader. I love these books and characters so much, but each time I reread them, I want to scream at Robin as she marries Matthew. I’ve read several great stories on here where she runs off with Strike at the reception, but I really wanted to see Robin as someone smart enough and strong enough to catch a bloody clue before she marries the twat. Probably a bit wordy, but I had a lot of strong feelings about it! Anyone who makes it to the end is a champion!


End file.
